Wednesday, March 26, 2008

final support group meeting before stache pag

i just talked to nick c and we think it is a good idea to have a meeting before the pag. Does anyone have any ideas on where and when. My idea is where ever it is we should get a discount for having such sweet stach beauty.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

long live the stache

Well fellas it has been a long hard battle; however the war is officially over. I of course am victorious largely due to the auras of the stache. let this be a lesson to all the women out there: no matter what weapon you choose they all fall to the power of the stache. Never try and front on the stache it will chuck norris you every time.
long live the stache

Monday, March 17, 2008

On that note...

This week's 'Stache Support Group will be held....

On Sunday night. There are some good NCAA games on, seems like a great time to support each other. It sounds like Aaron really needs it, since he missed the last one due to faulty cabbies getting in accidents when grooming skullets instead of focusing on roads. We're there for you, man.

So Sunday night at 6. However, I believe it was gandolf who once noted, "A ['stache] is never late. He shows up precisely when he intends to arrive." Or something very similar to that.

Where? Good question. I am thinking nice TVs, tasty and cheap appetizers, with good beers on tap. And for God's sake will one of these bars throw us a frickin' bone, and give guys with a 'stache a deal on beer?! Any ideas? Binga's would be happy to have us, I am sure.

Hopefully Justin Ellis will show up with some other folks from around the 'stache network.
The turnout is bound to be better than last time, though that was a great first session boys, as we got some major items on the agenda hammered out, including the basis of the 'Stache Pag, which I know you are all looking very forward to.

Scott--haven't heard from you in a while. How goes the Battle of Everhair? is it everywhere? Keep us posted on that...literally. wow, that was bad. give my 'stache a little tug the next time you see me for that one.

Our pledge

Say it with me loud and proud.

"I (name/pornstar name here) have made myself look ridiculous.
I have opened myself to scorn and shame.
I have invited criticism of my appearance, breeding, intellect, and lifestyle.
I have done all of this on purpose.

I am a man with a moustache, and so I shall remain (at least until March 30th).
I shall bear my hairsuite burden with nothing to support me except for
my brother's-in-stach, a sweet sweet beer, and perhaps some roasted meat."

Stand tall, proud, and bristly. God be with Stache.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Friday, March 14, 2008

The Other Madness is soon underway

Find your favorite pen.

I am told "Bracketology" is a word given to the science of filling out your NCAA March Madness bracket. We believe that among your 'stache's special features is a positive interaction with college basketball, and throws the basic fundamentals of bracketology off its axis. Your 'stache quietly calls to your hand; it guides your pen to the name of the winning team.
Some of the time.
Others, you refuse to listen.
This is a year for listening.

I saw that similarly recently recognized the moustache's power to seep into the bloodstream of its wearer, and take adversity by storm:
"We've said this before and we'll say it again: College basketball knowledge is inversely proportional to bracket-picking proficiency . . . the way collegiate scoring touch is inversely proportional to the manly fullness of one's 'stache (see Morrison, Adam and Jordan, Michael)."

We hope you keep us posted of Your Bracket's success via post or comment.
If we should do a 'stache pool, to ensure that at least one guy with a 'stache wins a pool, show by way of comment.
We have two days till Selection Sunday.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

this weeks support group

have we decided when the next support group will be held? I am concerned because i am heading out of town until sunday and of course dont want to miss the group. However the stache needs to roam free and spread joy all over the east coast. let me know whats crackin (as the kids say these days).

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Moustache Support Group

Yesterday, our moustaches found solace in the presence of other men with moustaches.

Over pulled pork sandwiches and strong ale at Beale St. Barbeque, the March Moustache Madness support group discussed and dealt with many issues and challenges in the life of the modern moustache man.

Some present agreed to observing an increase in nods from truckers recently; while others noted a sharp decrease in smiles from cute chicks at the gym. These can be tough times.

But, nestled in a "web of moustache safety" we prepared and improved our defenses against real world situations. For example, by horribly and loudly ridiculing and insulting each others' faces at these group meetings, we are making ourselves stronger in advance of almost certain mustache-related encounters with significant others, co-workers, sports mascots, police.

Also on the agenda was a discussion of the upcoming Moustache Pageant. The group decided on four awards in the “competition” to be held March 29th.

Stache Pag

These categories were decided upon:

The Thigh Tickler. This award goes the most ornate moustache. This moustache pursues the sophisticated lady, because it knows how to treat her right.

The Uncle Rico. This award recognizes the effort of the guy who can’t grow a regular moustache. So pathetic, it’s almost endearing, if it wasn’t so damn creepy.

The Magnum P.I. An award for a full, handsome, integrated moustache. Magnums do it with style.

Best in Show. This guy can get fifty bucks a ride.

When considering the competition format, we asked ourselves, "Do we want to have a runway and contests and pageantry? Or do we just want to hang out with our moustaches and drink beer?"

The competition format decided upon is a bit of the first, and a lot of the second.

Competition Format:
A digital photo of each participant’s moustache region is loaded onto a computer onsite. Five judges will rank the top five moustaches in each category, with five points awarded for the highest ranking, four to the second highest and so on down to one for the fifth ranked moustache. Totals from all the judges will be tallied and the moustaches with the highest totals will be winners of their category.

Participants must arrive by 10 p.m. to be considered.

Trophies will be presented to all the winners. We discussed using a cover charge to defray the cost of the trophies.

Well, that's that.
We need some moustache men to volunteer to make flyers about the stache pag. (The Moustache Pageant (the stash pag) is March 29th at
Flask Lounge Spring St. in Portland. Arrive by 10 p.m. to enter. Maybe add the categories on the flyer too. And this web address. And a picture of a moustache.)

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Aaron, this was your driver

Your driver didn't pick you up because he was working on his look. This man was recently stopped by the Portland police for grooming his skullet/child molester 'stache while driving. While not an actual Old Port taxi driver, he made up for it by staying at a Holiday Inn Express last night. He snuck in, of course, and scored a free continental breakfast to boot.

A Mousachioed Ban

On Old Port Taxi. I apologize for missing the meeting, but no cab will come within a mile of my street for some reason. I call for a moustachiod boycott of portland's cab companies until they learn that follicle discrimination will not be tolerated!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

significant other retaliation

let me be the first to pose the question: What does a comrade do when their partner tries to hate on the 'stache? For those of you who haven't heard my wife has refused to shave whatsoever while i have my 'stache. Now the hairy pits i can handle but the 70s jungle bush is about as cool as getting kicked in the nuts. does anyone have any advise?

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Some words from our NJ Chapter

I have recently received some 'stache relevant quotes from two enormous influences from the entertainment industry, supplied by some friends down the coast.
I am happy to share them with you.

"It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously." - Oscar Wilde.

"Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words." - Calvin & Hobbes.

Thanks, Neal.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

'Stache Support Group

So we recently had this awesome idea.

All of us deciding to sport the 'stache need a place where we can go, be in each others' company, and feel great about our 'staches. We need a support group. A group of folks that can join and be merry and enjoy our collective 'stacheness.

Part of the need for this group is that I need to know that we are all out there. I think we all need this void filled. Because, frankly, a lot of people are saying they are down with the cause, check the blog each day, and are working on their 'staches. It is hard to believe this, though, when there are so few comments and such a small variety of posters. You know who you are, if I am speaking to you, because right now your conscience is digging away at you. Scott (Biddeford), Kevin (I saw a little dirt on your lip this morning), Garrett (I have heard but have not seen), Nick (dude...I live with you and you still haven't posted anything), and there are so many others.

So I think a weekly support group would be perfect. What if we found a bar in town that would support our group, take us in with open arms, and welcome us with a drink special in exchange for our 'stachiness? Plus, talk about a prime photo op'...

'Stachmasters, please weigh in on this idea. Would you come out of the woodworks so we can support each other?

Sunday, March 2, 2008

First Annual?

Announcing The March Moustache Madness Moustache Pageant (or, colloquially, "the 'stache pag").

To be held Saturday, March 29 at Flask Lounge on Spring St in Portland.

More details about the event to follow as they are worked out, but, for now, do know this:
Bean Sprouts is on the grow path. You have been warned.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

It's here. Finally.

Well, it was real difficult to stick it out over that damn leap day, but we made it. Congratulations all! And some of us had to even stick it out one more day, as we were yucking it up in NH woods. Nick, TJ, Chris--I don't think we could have done that if we didn't do it together.

So as The Month gains momentum, I have been getting pressure from the NJ Chapter to create some "rules" regarding this festive time. I have even been asked to create or provide some sort of "guidance document" for MMM. Does such a thing even exist? Should it?

Should there be rules? Is MMM competitive? Or is even the suggestion of such requisite criteria an "an affront to the sacred follicular bonds which form the foundation of MARCH MOUSTACHE MADNESS"?
Of this there is debate.

On the one hand, March is a month in which the greatest tournament in sporting competition is played, and thus not participating in competition with our 'staches seems a little counterintuitive. On the other hand, some dudes (this guy) just cannot grow a competing 'stache. Others say that the beauty of the 'stache is in the eye of the beholder.

Let's put it to the floor. What do y'all think? Should our festival of 'stachitude be one of wager? Of strategy? Or should abide by the Constitution, and agree that all 'staches are created equal?
Do comment. We here at 'stache central want to hear your voice.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I dare you

Do a Google image search for "Burt Reynolds". The first pic is priceless. A man in all his mustachioed glory.

Just goes to show...

All the men below prove that one can sport a 'stache without looking like a "door-to-door used dildo salesman". (credit due to Aaron Merrill)

Monday, February 25, 2008

Great Mustaches in History

If you look in the mirror and think "aw shoot, this 'stache isn't going to do anything", well this is for you. Some of the greatest men in history have sported upper-lip hair, and you have to ask yourself, were they great men who had mustaches, or were they men whose mustaches' made them great?

MLK Jr. - Had a dream that no upper-lip would be bare.

Count Otto von Bismarck - Unified Germany, defeated Austrian Empire, defeated France when that was still a big deal, destroyed socialism in Central Europe. Thought razors were for the poor.

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas - Has not asked a question during oral argument in over 142 consecutive cases, stretching back more than two years. Doesn't need to know. Just listens to his mustache.

Mohandas Ghandi - drove the British peacefully out of India by fasting, while secretly straining life-giving nutrients out of the air with his whiskers.

Micheal Jordan - Those fancy follicles are solely responsible for titles 3, 4 and 6.

Carey Grant - If you ask your grandmother, she will tell you she used to fantasize about riding that flavor savor. Gross but true.

Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria - This mustache caused World War I. Look it up, it was big time.

And finally, my strongest argument for the greatness of facial accessories, Adam Morrison. In the time it took you to read this post, this face fur enabled a man who cried on national TV to get with foxy brunettes and earn the GDP of an Eastern European peasant. Without that peach fuzz, he's just a tall dude with diabetes.

Excuses, excuses

It appears that some men instinctively oppose the idea of improving their own happiness and confidence through the age old method of adding a little extra fluff under their nose.
Here are some of the latest excuses for not joining the Movement:
  • "Duberstein Moot Court Competition"--apparently, the idea here is that those upper echelon lawerly types frown upon, or at least are immune to, the mystique of the moustache. Bullshit! No one is immune.
  • "I can only grow the 'stache of a seventh-grade drug dealer"--this denier is confused, for the stature and prominence of your 'stache is not the issue here, man. Indeed, it may be that a 'stache in need of Miracle Grow is the creepiest of all, and thus is deserving of the fullest support from Madness constituents.
  • "Mine is blonde and red and never fills in"--You, my friend, are also in denial. A vast array of colors makes a 'stache unique, and therefore savory. This man will soon see the light.
  • "I have a vagina"--Touché. Be you male or female, it does take some amount of sack to grow and sport a new furry friend.
  • "I’ve already been threatened by wifey"--Rebel, young newlywed, rebel!! If you don't take action now, the future may be grim.
  • "I don't really have any clothes to match my 'stache"--Luckily Marden's and Goodwill are right down the street. Dig deep, come up with that $3, and go find yourself a nice wifebeater, some red flannel, and pair of shit-kickers.
  • "I look like a child pornographer"--Nice try. That's simply another benefit.
  • "I have been wearing this here beard for seventeen years"--Dude, the times they are a-changin'. Welcome to whatever year it is. Your 'stache is prime and ready to take the main stage. Shave that bird house and bring out a whole new side of you!
And these are just the excuses that I have heard in the past 30 minutes. Feel free to add more, as I certainly will as they come rolling in.