Excuses, excuses

It appears that some men instinctively oppose the idea of improving their own happiness and confidence through the age old method of adding a little extra fluff under their nose.
Here are some of the latest excuses for not joining the Movement:

• "Duberstein Moot Court Competition"--apparently, the idea here is that those upper echelon lawerly types frown upon, or at least are immune to, the mystique of the moustache. Bullshit! No one is immune.
  
• "I can only grow the 'stache of a seventh-grade drug dealer"--this denier is confused, for the stature and prominence of your 'stache is not the issue here, man. Indeed, it may be that a 'stache in need of Miracle Grow is the creepiest of all, and thus is deserving of the fullest support from Madness constituents.
• "Mine is blonde and red and never fills in"--You, my friend, are also in denial. A vast array of colors makes a 'stache unique, and therefore savory. This man will soon see the light.
• "I have a vagina"--Touché. Be you male or female, it does take some amount of sack to grow and sport a new furry friend.
• "I’ve already been threatened by wifey"--Rebel, young newlywed, rebel!! If you don't take action now, the future may be grim.
• "I don't really have any clothes to match my 'stache"--Luckily Marden's and Goodwill are right down the street. Dig deep, come up with that $3, and go find yourself a nice wifebeater, some red flannel, and pair of shit-kickers.
• "I look like a child pornographer"--Nice try. That's simply another benefit.
• "I have been wearing this here beard for seventeen years"--Dude, the times they are a-changin'. Welcome to whatever year it is. Your 'stache is prime and ready to take the main stage. Shave that bird house and bring out a whole new side of you!
  

And these are just the excuses that I have heard in the past 30 minutes. Feel free to add more, as I certainly will as they come rolling in.